I hope that everyone at Blogher – women and men – reads radgeek’s guide to being a male feminist ally. It is useful for white people being allies for people of color, with modifications… It is useful for women to think about how to gently point out to men to please reconsider what they’re doing, or saying, or how they’re saying it.

The conversation between Suzette Haden Elgin and the male panelists at Klingon and Laadan panel is a good example.

Women need to train themselves, and practice, how to moderate men in discussions, or how to translate across gaps in understanding (the “insecurities share vulnerabilities mode” of establishing trust vs. the “boasting lecturing chest beating” model. )

Different ideas of what discourse means – even of rudeness and civility- come into play.

@ Michael: Yes, WisCon has gone out of its way to make men feel comfortable attending and participating, and that’s been the philosophy from the start.

BlogHer wasn’t a fannish event, and it is still a new event, so I approached it as a women’s space, and decided that the best way to participate was to listen during the sessions, and leave the conversation for “the halls.”

The man Cyn was referring to does have a reputation for talking a lot at conferences, but how to describe it, it felt even more out of place at BlogHer.

I got the feeling that the organizers were a little surprised by the general quiet from the men attending.

@ Elisa: you touched on something Mary Tsao said earlier this year after Woolfcamp, that a blog and revenue from ads may be that 500£ and the “room of one’s own” that you need, and I recall one of the BlogHer participants telling a SF Chronicle reporter that the first BlogHer Ad Network check was the first income she’s received since she became a mom. A hundred dollar check may not be much, but it’s an opening.

But it’s hard for me not to be skeptic about the power differential between the advertisers and the bloggers. The impression I got from some of the sponsor presentations, esp. American Greetings and Johnson & Johnson was “how can we use women bloggers to market our products?” But I’m also skeptical about the idea that most markets are conversations (sorry, Doc.) Your challenge will be to keep the advertisers from taking you for granted, and from trying to divide your network.

It will be useful for the BlogHer community to monitor how ad income is enabling women to have their places in cyberspace and if possible help with the groceries. I’m in a very skeptical mode right now, and having some documentation how this is helpful and not causing self-censorship to avoid offending the sponsors will address many of my questions.

Next year’s conference also is in conflict with plans I’m making for that part of the summer, and I have a limited amount of vacation time to spread around.

I have to say that there may have just been a jerk dominating that discussion, and his being male was a side-note. I’ve certainly been around my share of loud, domineering, know-it-all women, and the question is: do you think this person would behave the same in a room full of men. I believe so.

As for this question: “Why do women need to “monetize” our self-expression?”

Some women feel the need because it pays for a month’s groceries. Which is no small thing for them.

Some of the disdain for the commercialization of blogs comes from folks who can’t imagine that a few hundred dollars would make a big difference in a budget. Women are spending time blogging…doing something they love and are good at. People always say “do what you love, the money will follow.” Why should it not apply here?

(All this coming from someone who doesn’t actually advertise on my own blogs…but mostly because I’ve been too lazy.)

Sorry to hear you won’t be joining us in Chicago, but thank you for coming this year, and for sharing your thoughts here.

There’s a difference between being a “women’s space” and a “women-focused space”.  The former is for women, while the latter is about women (but may well be for both genders).

I personally have never had the impression that WisCon (the only one of the three events you mention that I’ve been to) is a “women’s space”.  After all, neither feminism nor science fiction are exclusively women’s issues.  Moreover (and maybe more importantly), I think the concom has generally made an effort to welcome all people who are interested in the subjects involved (and specifically has tried to combat the “men aren’t welcome at WisCon” rumors which go around from time to time).  Perhaps you feel differently about WisCon than I do?

(I realize there may be legal issues in actually barring men from semi-public events like these.  Nonetheless, with the exception of a few specific panels which are advertised as being for a specific group, I have always felt that WisCon is very much for women and men.  I would not attend, otherwise.)

Personally I find it frustrating when any person monopolizes the discussion on a panel.  If no one else is speaking up on the panel and he’s just speaking to fill dead air, then that’s probably a sign that it’s a bad panel.  If he’s speaking and preventing others from speaking when they want to, then he’s a jerk and/or the moderator isn’t doing his job on the panel.