Here enshrined are the results of the alt.books.david-weber Gilbert and Sullivan Filking Challenge.

All glory to the authors!

David Bell's contribution (from "Pirates of Penzance", the police sergeant's second song: "When a felon's not engaged in his employment")

When an Armsman's not engaged in his employment--
His employment,
And his Steadholder is sleeping in her bed--
In her bed,
There is plenty of permissible enjoyment--
'ball enjoyment,
When the Reverend is somewhere else instead--
Else instead.
Our feelings we with difficulty smother--
'Culty smother
When the Peeps are 'anging 'onor by the neck--
By the neck,
We shouldn't be embarassing her mother--
'Sing her mother,
An Armsman shouldn't show he is a wreck--

When the Peeps are 'anging 'onor by the neck--
By the neck,
An Armsman shouldn't show he is a wreck!

When an Armsman he is trampled down by Treecats--
Down by Treecats,
He should smile and take his fluffing like a man--
Like a man,
No pets are these but citizens and free cats--
'Zens and free cats,
Who guard the Steading just as other's can--
Other's can.
When the Peeps have finished turning off the Mother--
Off the Mother,
Of the greatest Steading in our Grayson Land--
Grayson Land,
They didn't know what they shall soon discover--
Soon discover,
As Armsmen and the 'cats together stand--

For the greatest Steading in our Grayson Land--
Bleek bleek bleeeeek,
The Armsmen and the 'cats together stand!

Linda Fox contributed two songs....

Three armsmen of Honor are we
Deadly as only we can be
Filled to the brim with nerves for three
Three armsmen are we
Everything is a source of fun
Nobody's safe whether we're careful or not
Life as a job has just begun
Three armsmen are we

Three armsmen who all unwary
come from a fighting seminary
guarding our genius strategary
Three armsmen are we
Three armsmen are we!

1 of our men is a bright young lad
2 armsmen and attendance call
3 armsmen is the total sum
Three armsmen are we
From three armsmen take two away
one armsman remains and he
won't have to wait very long they say
Three armsmen are we

Three armsmen who all unwary
come from a fighting seminary
guarding our genius strategary
Three armsmen are we
Three armsmen are we!

Here's another distortion if you haven't given up yet:

Here's a how-de-do
If I work for you
When your time has come to perish
Then the people whom you cherish
Will be slaughtered too
Here's a how-de-do
Here's a how-de-do

Here's a pretty mess
In a month or less
I may die outside my Steading
Let the bitter tears I'm shedding
Witness my distress
Here's a pretty mess
Here's a pretty mess

Here's a state of things
To a life she clings
Execution & demotions
Do not seem to suit her notions
Every ill she wings
Here's a state of things
Here's a state of things

With a passion that intense I worship and adore
But the laws of common sense we oughtn't to ignore
If what you say is true
Tis death to work near you
Here's a pretty state of things
Here's a pretty how-de-do
-(repeat states & how-de-dos a couple of times)-

If what you say is true
I can't survive near you!
Here's a pretty, pretty state of things
Here's a pretty how-de-do!

Captain Button submitted the following...

"Honor Harrington"

[ to the tune of "Little Buttercup" in HMS Pinafore ]

[ with apologies to TTWaWSG&SAS and TOWiDW ]

For I'm called Harrington, Honor Steph Harrington,
The Tester alone can say why;
But still I'm called Harrington, Steadholder Harrington,
'Beams and Nukes' Harrington, Aye!

I've H-bombs and grasers, and gamma ray lasers,
Pods, sidewalls, and gravitic drive;
I've tactical savvy, the best in the Navvy
And a great shot with a .45!

My sky domes protect you, my treecat dissects you,
Mom's Institute lengthens your lives;
I saved all your stations, protecting your rations,
I inspire all three of your wives.

Then, shoot for your Harrington, Commodore Harrington,
The Peeps now attack from the sky;
So, Fight for your Harrington, Admiral Harrington,
Come, for your Harrington, Die!

[ Best I can do on short notice, sorry ]

[ I can never remember if the "g" in graser is for gravitational or
gamma ray. Note that the distinction between X-Rays and Gamma Rays is
fuzzy ]

Now, who is going to do:

"I am the very model of a People's Citizen Admiral"

and the one ending:

'Stick close to you vids, and never go to cee,
and you too may be Ruler of the People's Committee"

Carmold added:

The Manticoran (adapted from 'The Englishman' HMS Pinafore)

She is a Manticoran!
R/
Now, although she hasn't said it,
There has been a royal edict,
That she's Manticoran!
R/
For she might have been a Grayson,
A Sol or Peep or Anderman,
Or perhaps Silesi-an!
R/
But in spite of the temptation,
To migrate for good to Grayson,
She remains a Manticoran!
R/

David Bell added some more:

Many years ago, my school put on a production of Iolanthe. Now, for
some reason, I keep thinking of 'Field of Dishonor' in which many of the
songs would not be amusing. Honor and Paul would be seen singing the
duet, "None shall part us from each other", and exit, before the Chorus
of Peers enters, singing "Loudly let the trumpet bray", and we get Pavel
Young, newly succeeded to the family honours, singing the Lord
Chancellor's part in a manner more appropriate to the Shakespearian
Richard III.

Filk is not always comedy.